Wednesday, December 02, 2015

pain(t)

Like anyone, I sometimes have strong emotions. I am bad at expressing them when confronted. Perhaps it's because I'm acutely aware how anything I might say in an intense moment could be cause for regret later. It's difficult to un-say a thing. So here's the kind of things I do . . .

Before the advent of visual journal practice, my vitriol might be written out long hand. While it would give me some satisfaction at the time, the regret of anyone reading later how I felt lingers. So I stopped.

However, strong emotion needs expression. Words written, layered under image and paint, and scrawling lines . . .

with the words obliterated, the pages become a different form, a  mess, a ground . . .

whatever I started out feeling shifts into a sort of nothingness . . .

the strong emotion might still be with me at the end of creation, but that's fine. There's been an integration of expression. My anger, sadness, pain doesn't need to be read; only expressed. I'm allowed that.