Wednesday, March 26, 2014

worth

It is a day when I am beating myself up for mistakes. It seems a quantifiable fact that if one mistake is found, you're mighty likely to find a few more. Sadly, I'm not exempt from that fact. When bumping up against mistakes (= failures), the Question of Worth creeps in on gray, padded feet, beady-eyed and snaggle-toothed. Suddenly, it isn't just the one mistake glaring from the middle of the situation, but a host from the past, near and distant, sweeping in as a reminder of exactly how inept you are. Well, at least that's how I feel when I've made a mistake.

Further on through the emotional spectrum, I don't feel at ease or that I'm allowed to do those things that feed my soul. I've screwed up and am not worthy of such luxuries. So I attempt to mire this little self into the soul-sucking stuff a bit deeper. Perhaps I can paper work my way into worthiness, earn the right to spend my time in the studio swimming in my passionate pursuits. Or dust the back of the refrigerator. Certainly, this would grant me forgiveness. That might work for a little while ~ crossing a languishing task off the list. However, it doesn't actually make me feel better.

Time to breathe. And sit. Sip some tea. Know what's done is done and the done-ness of it will pass like a plethora of other good and bad times in life. Finish the work at hand or fix it to the best of one's ability. Then go feed a Soul. Because we can't continuously beat ourselves up. The activity is counterproductive. Pick that Little Self up, dust 'em off, hand 'em a cookie and a crayon and proceed with courage.

I'm fairly certain I've a long life ahead of me. It's a good bet I've a million more mistakes to make so somebody better have cookies and a large box of crayons at the ready.

Tea, cookies and paint: healing salves.

The sweet spot of the day.
(Mistakes included.)


2 comments:

Ruth Merriam said...

Mistakes are life's little way of nudging you back toward your truth.

Ashling said...

Been there, done that....at our ages, we're entitled to a few mistakes. I'm willing to bet that you have more successes than mistakes under your belt.