Sunday, April 02, 2006

An Anthropological Observation of Female Gatherings: Girls as compared to Women

1) Girls squeal; loudly and frequently. This noise is soon followed by fits of giggling and falling all over each other, thus resembling a quivering mass of . . . well . . . giggling girls. It is at this point, one needs to leave the room and shut the door to retain hearing and sanity. Otherwise, plan a trip to the otolaryngologist and then the psychiatrist (that’ll be two ‘ists’ in one day; do I hear three?).

Women cackle and chortle; loudly and frequently. These noises are followed by big, deep meaningful hugs and comments on how good they each look. This period of time in a testosterone-free environment smacks of pure oxygen-induced giddiness.

2) Girls are Drama Queens. Everything is a big deal and worthy of gushing, whining and tittering about.

Women are Drama Queens. Everything is a big deal and worthy of gushing, angst and another bottle of Muscatel.

3) Girls eat a lot. I don’t mean in a prim Afternoon Tea sort of fashion. I mean in a voracious, locust-like manner. Nothing lasts long once it hits the table. In fact, the fast-food fare might not even make the table. Naturally, once devoured, more food is necessary to quell the hungry hordes.

Women eat a lot. The only difference is there are plates and forks. Well, the table is decorated with them; we don’t really want to dirty a dish if we can at all help it. Meals are delivered in courses so as not to over stimulate the pallet and with an eye toward an Afternoon Tea sort of behavior. At times, this fails miserably as we lose ourselves in the glow of good company. Thankfully, rude behavior is forgiven as long as it isn’t too reprehensible and a sacrifice in the form of chocolate is made (I like those Lu Dark Chocolate Schoolboys, myself).

4) Girls need a purpose to gather together. Aside from the planned, politically-correct play date, other gatherings include camp outs, Brownie meetings, sleepovers and playground herds. It isn’t enough to just hang out. I mean, jeez! Boys do that! What are we here for? What’s the goal? What can we do with these beads and string for four hours?

Women need a purpose to gather together. Aside from the planned, politically-correct play date, gatherings include brunch, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and late-night noshes. It isn’t enough to just hang out. Men do that and in more ways than one cares to report. What are we here for? What’s the plan? What can we do with these beads and string for four hours?

5) The Jaws of Life are required to separate girls from any All-Girl gathering. They have such a good time together, such fun, it's hard for them to call it a day/night. As a result, there are plenty of vice-grip hugs with no sign of letting go as well as more squealing.

Only a substantial amount of food packed to go is required to separate women from an All-Woman gathering. We don't have a hard time calling it a day/night because we're older, we get tired and need naps/a decent night's sleep; but future plans of a night in a luxurious hotel suite with good room service are discussed. There's plenty of hugs to go around and much cackling and chortling. I think women can let go because we have the memories of these great times together to bank on.

In honor of Bennie hosting her very first sleep over at our humble abode . . . Now, I wonder if they'd like some breakfast? And I'm only on the first cup of java.

2 comments:

snowqueen said...

I love the painting - got here via random clicking - nice blog! I'm knitting a spiral scarf at the moment.

Ruth said...

Remember bagels, lox, capers, cream cheese, and whatever else that stupid airplane wing table would hold?

I miss noshing with you. Coffee dates. Movie and chocolate dates.